I (15F) Cant move on from my ex (15M)

Last month me and my Boyfriend of around 8 months broke up and it honestly crushed me.

We were doing great, we both loved eachother so much. But i just have problems (well HAD) of accepting im an actual lovable person

I'd constantly degrade myself and it was suffocating him, and i completely understand that now and i feel so stupid about it, and he says it wasnt my fault, and I'd say everything was mt fault during the time i was dating and I'd constantly say sorry so he wouldnt dislike me (stems from previous trauma im not going to talk about) and that was suffocating him, and he said the break up wasnt my fault even though, that specific instance, was

There was no other way it couldnt have been my fault and i feel so stupid

He was my first ever relationship, and i loved him so much. And i know there was a very unlikely chance we werent gunna stay together but there was something there, we loved eachother so much and the only problem we had.

Was me, i was too much.

And i only realised it all after we went on a break before fully breaking up.

I made him stop loving me.

Me.

I did that, i ruined us and i dont think im ever going to forget that.

We're still friends, because we still appreciate and like eachothee, just not in a relationship way, we are great friends, but as much as i have moved on, i cant get the feeling of subtle love to go away.

I have moved on, im not as sad around the break up, but everytime we talk i just wonder "Is he falling for me again?" And just stuff like that and i cant get that feeling to go away.

I think i still have a small crush on him, i so badlt want him to give me a second chance but hes already stressed enough how much hes not gunna get with me again.

And i have moved on, i dont only think of him when i think of future partners, i actively want someone but noe it isnt just him.

But i still hope he asks me out again.

I still want him to love me.

And if he asked me out I'd say yes instantly.

I dont think there would even be a chance he falls for me again, ive seen people go through rough break ups only to get back together a few months ago, and deep down im hoping something like that could happen with us, by my ex has had SO many last relationships, so am i even that important?

What would actually make me different compared to his other exs yknow.

Hes never gotten back with thoses before so why would i be different.

I just want to fully move on and be normal friends again.

Hes fully fine with me, nothing has changed between us we're still great friends and i dont think he knows i still have a crush on me.

But its so distracting when i talk to him and in the back of my mind all i want is him to just cuddle me and tell me he loves me.