I hate being Asian

Idk if this is racist but sometimes I hate being Asian. I think it’s so embarrassing whenever I speak Chinese in public idk why. I just feel so different whenever my culture shows at all. I wish I was a white kid maybe my life would be easier. Maybe I don’t have to make so many phone calls (plumbing, trash disposal, insurance, mortgage , doctors appointments etc). Maybe I would be able to go outside more and have actual fun with my family. I kind of want to be white sometimes. I feel like my monolids make me so ugly. Why can’t I just look like white girls. I want to be white sometimes bad sometimes. I want my life to be easier with less expectations and reliance. (White girls are so pretty)