I’m done

39 y/o m. Probably been binge drinking on and off since I was 19. Last 10 years were very bad. I have a wonderful wife, but we have been enabling eachother.

It’s always easy for me to justify having another drink the next day. It kills my hangxiety and it eventually kills my nausea too. Then next thing I know I’m dry wretching into a toilet in the next morning.

I work really hard on a lot of things, work, exercise diet.

But then I drink and I derail all that progress. Then I start avoiding things like texts and emails and procrastination and anxiety build up until 1 day I have had enough, put down the bottle and do good.

That may last 3 days, and then it’s back.

I’m sick of rebuilding.

I have a reverse calendar I have hung in my garage where I draw a line every day.

Green line is a great day, doing everything I need for my self and my family. Working out, etc.

Red line is if I make the minimum requirements but drank the day before (because I know it’s gonna be not great quality)

Blue line is not meeting the requirements.

My last few months have been full of blue and red lines.

I just want green.

Thank you