Feeling terrible about myself today

My mum told me she's thinking of moving far away, denying the significant amount of time and energy I've been putting into trying my very best to support her. She has made numerous statements including:

  1. "I have no family."

  2. "Every day I have to be in an empty house."

  3. "Every day I have to face the fact that I am not needed or wanted."

  4. "When I was at my most vulnerable you sent me away"

  5. "I love you, but your eyes are full of hate for me."

  6. "I have to beg to even be allowed to pass through your neighborhood."

  7. "I don't know what that sounds like (implied suicide thread). Actually, I do know."

  8. "I reject chronological age because I don't feel it and I don't believe in it. I'm the same age as you."

  9. "I don't feel anger, only sadness." (when I pointed out how angrily she was talking to me)

  10. "I just need to hear that you understand and appreciate me."

By the end of the conversation, she was much less sure about moving away.

The way she talked, it didn't seem as though she was intentionally trying to provoke guilt in me, despite the fact that her statements were extreme and unfair.

I feel very bad and guilty that her statements about not being wanted are accurate. I wish they weren't. I wish we could have a nice relationship. I feel deeply sad for both of us that it's proving to be so impossibly difficult.

I'm genuinely wondering if it's me that's the problem and not her.

My obsession with trying to work this out and how to do better has taken over my whole evening, and taken me away from my husband and kids.

I recently got some medication from the GP (recommended by someone on here, thank you❤️) to take when the anxiety is particularly bad, and I've taken some tonight, but have also come on here to share.

I just feel terrible, bad, inadequate and harmful. 😢

I've started 6 weeks of counselling. The counsellor was quite blunt with me that talking about my mum was taking up the whole session and I wasn't talking about myself but I couldn't. I had to cut it short at the end because my mum literally appeared at my window.