How I feel about America right now? ... Canadian point of view

I realize there must be a term for it, but I am basically realizing I was brainwashed as a kid to think the Americans and the American state were the good guys, shared love of music, culture.

I have been to LA/Cali so many times that it feels like home. However I am basically realizing that the US isnt the place I thought it was.

Just feel so lost, confused.