I don’t know what is wrong with me

Hi, it’s gonna be a long story so bear with me.I’m 20F, biomedical engineer student and also work 2 jobs. I have past issues that i’ve healed from(SA, toxic relationship, old friends that did me dirty, poverty, depression, eating disorders, all that) but mostly i’ve healed, or i am too busy to think about them anymore. I have a really dysfunctional family: i m 100% my mom has undiagnosed bpd, my dad, we ll talk later about him, my sister who all my life did me dirty etc. I am totally on my own, not a soul to talk to or someone to at least understand me. I am mostly an A to +A student, i work with kids, and they all love me so i have a satisfaction from my success.I am also a gym rat and my gym progress makes me feel confident enough to navigate through life at 20 yo. I have a bf,20M, that i love but there are some downsides to our rs as well. He quit college, the same university of engineering that i was attending and his mom was totally fine with that, even offered to pay his tuition to another university. Here it goes, i am admitting it finally, i hate this.I am totally uncomfortable for him being so dependent on his parents, and his parents always supporting him.He has the same job as me because his mother own the Afterschool we work at.He receives money from his family, support, everything . I had to make my own money since i was 12 because my mom is so negligent and my dad couldn’t care less about my wishes.I have to work 2 jobs while he has all the time in the world for only working like me 2 days a week and another 2 hours everyday. My sister has 2 kids and she s a Stay at home mom, my parents cover all the utilities since we own the house, and she hasn’t worked since 2021. While i have to run there and there, to make some money to support my dreams into becoming an biomedical engineer, where no one even cared to support me.When i was in HS, i finished first in my class and my parents didn’t even care to support me in college.Initially, i wanted to go to med school, but my mother said that i have to get a job because they wouldn’t help me.In my country you can’t work if you go to med school, is too hard.So i choose engineering. With my realisation, with the fact that i am totally succeeding because of my hard work, i m content.I am proud of myself, i work really hard and study even harder to get where i want.But i would like a shoulder to cry on when things get really heavy, because they do.They really do after so many years of trauma and all that..My dad, now about him, he had cancer, he survived thankfully but growing up he ruined my self esteem and he wasn’t much present, i feel like we all love him now because he went through what he went through.He is a really hard working man, i have this trait from him, but he was absent.But nevertheless, my mom is worse, narcissistic and abusing.They don’t even know at what college i m going.I stay at their place 3 times a week and the rest at my bf s place.I have no place to escape, i can’t hide anywhere to have peace of mind… I hate that i m spiteful towards my own kin and especially to my loving bf, but no one gets me.Please i want raw unfiltered advice!!!