Feel awful

Went a night out with people from college. Ended up completely hammered. Cried about my uncle who has died last weekend, couldn't stop crying. I would stay the night with one of the girls from college, but I asked my boyfriend to pick me up at 3:30am for which he had to drive an hour. He did. I have the sweetest boyfriend ever.

Now I feel so awful and ashamed. Ashamed for crying, but also for my behaviour last night. I wasn't myself and I am afraid I said and done so many stupid things. A lot of the night is a blur, and I am scared. I have the worst thoughts: what if I danced with another guy? Or worse: cheated on my boyfriend? I couldn't forgive myself if I did.

This is the worst hangxiety ever. I hate myself so much. I feel almost suicidal.