5 things I learned after wasting the past 3 years of my life in my 30s

Turning 30 felt like it should’ve been a fresh start, but instead, the pandemic hit, and the next few years disappeared in a blur. I wasn’t miserable, but I wasn’t living either. Work was dull. I never went out unless I had to go grocery shopping. Every free moment was spent scrolling through YouTube, Reddit, Netflix...just letting time pass. I told myself I’d exercise more, read new books, pick up new hobbies… but I never did. I’d plan to start tomorrow, then tomorrow would come, and I’d do nothing. Weeks turned into years, and I started feeling like this was just life now - a forever loop of existing but not really living.

I got so frustrated with myself. Why couldn’t I just do the things I wanted to? Why was it so hard to break out of this cycle? Eventually, I dragged myself to therapy and my therapist slapped me with some hard truths:

- My brain wasn’t lazy - it was overwhelmed. Too much stress makes the brain resist change. The more stuck I felt, the harder it was to break free.

- Doomscrolling wasn’t just a bad habit; it was my brain’s way of avoiding discomfort. I wasn’t resting: I was numbing myself.

- I thought I lacked motivation, but what I really lacked was clarity. My goals were vague (like I said I wish I should exercise more), so my brain ignored them.

My therapist also threw a bunch of book recs at me, and honestly? Reading these changed everything. If you feel stuck and can’t afford therapy, here are 5 things I've learnt from books:

- Stop waiting for motivation - The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

If you ever feel like you want to do something but just… don’t, read this. It breaks down “Resistance” (that invisible force stopping you from taking action) and how to defeat it. This book made me realize I wasn’t lazy—I was just letting fear win.

- Change your identity, not just your habits - The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest

This book hit hard. It’s all about self-sabotage: why we do it, how to stop, and how to rewire your brain to actually want what’s good for you. This isn’t another “just be more disciplined” book. I learnt so much about trauma, subconscious fears, and how to actually build a life you won’t want to escape from. Really good read.

- Your brain is addicted to avoiding discomfort - Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke

I used to wonder why I’d always reach for my phone the second you feel bored? Even though maybe there’s nothing really fun. This book explains how modern life hijacks our dopamine system, making us feel constantly restless, unmotivated, and stuck. It also taught me how to reset my brain so I actually enjoy doing things again.

- Your mind is lying to you: don’t believe everything you think - The Happiness Trap by Dr. Russ Harris

this book taught me how to stop getting caught in my own thoughts. If your brain constantly tells you, “I’ll start tomorrow” or “It’s too late,” this book will help you call out your own BS and take action anyway.

Small changes > massive overhauls - “Tiny Habits” by BJ Fogg

This book made me realize I was failing because I was trying to change everything all at once. It teaches you how to build habits so small they feel effortless: like doing one push-up or reading one sentence. And somehow, that actually works better than all the motivation in the world.

If you feel stuck, know this: You don’t have to change everything overnight. Just start small. Pick up a book. Take a five-minute walk. Do one thing today that your future self will thank you for. It adds up. If you feel the same way as I did in the past, don’t get anxious. It’s a good thing cuz you’ve already realized it. You got this. I believe in you so you should too.