Parents made fun of me constantly during childhood

I’m sure this has been discussed many times here, but I’m really trying to process this. I was teased and mocked by my parents every single day, going back to a very young age. If I had an interest/hobby, they laughed at it. The way I spoke, the way I wore my hair, the way I dressed, my body type, the foods I ate — all a joke to them. If I had serious questions or thoughts about things, they belittled me. They had negative things to say about all of my friends and made fun of them behind their backs, too. Instead of teaching me about hygiene they just made fun of me throughout puberty for any bodily changes I went through. Often times I felt that I had to “go along with the joke” because my dad was so thin skinned that he would curse at me for not having a sense of humor. I remember being called a b1 tch when I was around 9 or 10 for telling him to stop making fun of me. My mother would say in a cruel, mocking tone “you’re too sensitive, we’re just TeASinG you!!” As I got into my teens and twenties, my dad recognized that saying women were “wh0 res” made me mad so he did it constantly, in every conversation, hundreds of times a day. Then he laughed about how much it pissed me off.

I realize now that they had zero emotional depth and were absolutely incapable of having any kind of relationship. They spoke to their parents and coworkers the same way and neither of them had a single friend, ever. I remember one time my father rolling down the window as we drove past a neighbor’s house and him loudly making fun of the neighbor. The neighbor looked pissed. I told him to stop and he threw a fit, stating that I was an ignorant child and he was a grown man that knew how to talk to people.

My parents didn’t teach me a single life skill, but I think this was their biggest failing. They simply could not model how to be respectful, normal people. I grew up thinking that it was necessary to mock and belittle others. I did not know how to solve a conflict. I also developed a deep sense of self hatred and was extremely insecure. I truly believed that I was ugly, untalented, annoying, unlovable, etc because I had been made fun of my entire life. This eventually led to disordered eating, alcohol abvse, abvsive boyfriends, etc. I’m living a much better life now and I have kids of my own. I have never found a single reason to mock them. I have no desire to hurt their feelings. I build them up and complement them and admire them. It feels like a very easy thing to do, it’s so natural. I will never understand my parents.