Why do so many women fall for narcissists?

So I was talking to someone the other day about relationships, and the topic of narcissists came up. Specifically, why do so many women end up falling for them? it’s easy to say “just avoid red flags”..but if it were that simple, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

The truth is, narcissists don’t show up waving a big sign that says “I’m toxic, run!” They show up as confident, charming, and magnetic (these are all masks with no depth). And here’s where it gets interesting: those are traits that society actually encourages in men. Confidence is attractive. Charm makes people feel special. Assertiveness can look like leadership. All of these qualities are desirable—until they cross the line into self-absorption, emotional manipulation, and lack of empathy.

A lot of women who fall for narcissists aren’t naïve or weak,they’re drawn to the energy, the passion, the way a narcissist makes them feel at the beginning. The love bombing phase? It’s intoxicating. The narcissist mirrors your best qualities, makes you feel like you’re the most important person in the world—until, of course, the mask starts to slip. Then, what once looked like confidence starts feeling like control. Charm turns into manipulation. And by that point, you’re emotionally invested.

So, is it really about women choosing wrong..or is it that society has conditioned us to mistake certain narcissistic traits for strength and desirability? And if that’s the case, how do you unlearn it?

But I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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P.S. This is something I dive into in my Personality Model Workbook, where I break down how personality traits (using the Big Five) play into our relationship choices. It’s full of exercises and reflections to help spot patterns, understand why you’re drawn to certain dynamics, and actually work on making different choices. If you’re interested, I’m happy to share it for free, just message me.