The unspoken truth about boundaries.. Are we setting them, or just controlling people?

I was chatting with someone on Reddit about this the other day, and it really got me thinking..how often do we use the word "boundaries" when what we actually mean is "control"?

Don’t get me wrong, boundaries are essential, and I know that from professional experience int he field. They protect our mental health, help us communicate our needs, and prevent us from getting walked all over. But sometimes, what we call a boundary is just a way to avoid difficult conversations or accountability.

Ever seen someone say, “I’m setting a boundary” when they’re really just shutting someone out without discussion? Or “I’m protecting my peace” when what’s actually happening is avoidance? True boundaries create healthier relationships, not just easier ones. They aren’t about making sure no one ever challenges us..they’re about setting clear expectations while still allowing for growth.

And yeah, I get it, setting boundaries can feel hard, especially if you weren’t taught how to do it growing up. If this is something you struggle with whether you feel like you never set boundaries, or you’re wondering if youve been using them in a way that’s more about control than connection, I put together a workbook that dives deep into turning faults into strengths. It’s based on the Big Five Personality Model, helping you understand your patterns, your conflict style, and how to actually set boundaries in a way that’s healthy and effective. If you’re interested, just DM me, I’d be happy to share it for free.

Any thoughts?