I don't know what to do.

Well, lots of things happened recently, throw-away account. For years i struggled with depression and thoughts about offing myself, for basically my whole adolescence up into early adult live. So much to the point that i planned to do the deed the day after my cat dies cuz I love him so much. But things changed, and now there is someone in my life who deserves the world and i dont wanna hurt him either, but I'm useless, haven't done anything with my life, have nothing to show for it, and i dont wanna pull him down, i don't wanna trauma dump all of this onto him and i know i should leave him but I'm afraid that he's gonna take it badly, i dunno what to do, i feel so lost. Like so many other people here, lots of love to y'all.