26M I’m not strong

I feel guilty, I feel worthless, despite being independent and successful in my career I have been going in this downward spiral of self hate. Everyone I ever loved or love hate me, if they don’t I do not know why. I love my mom dearly, she is everything I ever had, but I don’t know how long I have before she is gone, Ik I will be broken, I have nothing to look forward to. I cannot burden my best friend, or anyone else. I live alone and it is the best because I can be gone and no one would be able to reach out, I wasn’t always like this. I was positive, I helped people, I tried to be kind, but I’m tired now. I drank a lot yesterday and tried to cut myself. I keep trying everyday but I fail, I hope everyone I ever knew finds peace. We do not carry anything with us when we leave, it also doesn’t matter what people say about us when we are gone, good or bad, we would never know. I’d do anything for a small measure of peace, however ik I will not find it, till then I will go on until the last bit of my fuel runs out. I am sorry!