Being the eldest sibling

I'm M(21) and I am the eldest among my siblings but being the eldest doesn't feel good to me, I feel I am not suited for this and sometimes I feel, I should have had an elder sister so she could guide me becuase being elder brother brings hell lot of responsibilities(it even makes you cry for hours) and I've failed in each category of responsibilities and I've seen elder sisters pampering and guiding their younger brothers.I don't even have any cousin to share or a sibling of my age so pouring it out here feels good.