Perspective check...

I'm aware more than ever that somewhere around the three month mark is when someone new I'm dating really starts showing their true colors. Myself included I'm sure. So I know that this first fight with my guy (not officially together yet) was going to come sooner or later, but I can't help but feel like I'm going crazy wondering if my feelings are valid and I need perspective.

We like going out to nice restaurants, and last week I had sneaked us a reservation at the nicest in our small city. It was incredibly nasty out, snowing, etc. I left my house about 45 minutes early because I just knew it would take a ton of extra time. It was an early reservation, 5:15, and so not a ton of other people were in there when I sat down. Long story short, he lives much closer to the restaurant than me and was 20 minutes late. I was so embarrassed sitting alone at this place. Now, he's not ever been that late before and I absolutely know it was ultimately not his fault. I was still upset, and I guess I expected his reaction when he came in to be more...apologetic? He had not told me when he left or that he was going to be late until he was already late. I think my reaction was probably a bit dramatic and based on my fear of being stood up. I asked him to try not to do that to me again (not exactly what I meant, but that's what came out). He got very defensive saying that he couldn't control the weather or traffic. We just kinda moved on with dinner and it ended up being just fine.

Days later I'm still feeling like the interaction just wasn't quite right. I ultimately didn't care that he was late or why...shit happens and I had gotten over it quickly. What's sticking with me is the way he reacted to me being upset. Like he thought I was crazy and how in the world could I possibly be upset? In hindsight, I think I was looking for a bit more empathy, more of an emotionally intelligent response. I'm sure the whole thing made him anxious too, but he never said any of that. I think had he just acknowledged it instead of instantly defending himself, I would have reacted a lot differently.

The defensiveness has come up a few times since then, so I'm even more worried that he's just going to be perpetually defensive when things go awry. I tried to bring up my concerns (over text, I know, not a great decision either) and that has totally backfired. He's not responding to me at all now. We're supposed to go on our first weekend away on Friday... now I just feel shitty. I'm not trying to blow this up, I like him and want to understand him, and have him understand me. I don't know how to approach it, especially as I'm now getting the cold shoulder.

Thanks for letting me vent. Advice or insight is appreciated.

Edit: thanks everyone for the perspective, I certainly appreciate it and will think long and hard before I respond to him. Hopefully, I can mend this rift asap.