Tell me about your “first fight.”

I don’t have a normal perspective about fights/disagreements in a committed relationship. I was married once, and our “fights” were not normal fights—they mostly consisted of him being drunk, irrational, and crying about killing himself while I tried to talk him down. Or him lying to my face about massive tax fraud he was committing and throwing a fit about how dare I question him. Just… not normal shit.

I frankly have no clue what couples normally fight about, or what even constitutes a “fight.” Because damn, if somebody’s not stealing six figures from the IRS in your name or waving kitchen knives—what the hell is there to fight about? What could possibly be THAT big a deal? Laundry? The toilet seat? How is any of that shit worth a SECOND of getting upset?

I ask because my partner (49M) of 14 months occasionally wonders aloud what our first “fight” will be, as if that’s just normal and expected. (For context, he was married twice, but not to any suicidal alcoholics.) I honestly have no clue what he’s getting at. What would we fight about? We’ve had differences of opinion before, but we’re different people, of course we’re going to have difference of opinion. I don’t disrespect him for it. He doesn’t disrespect me either. I do not give a crap what he does with the toilet seat.

His examples of “fights” (angry verbal disagreements) from his marriages are honestly kinda stupid, and they all sound symptomatic of other problems—not like normal healthy occurrences in a normal healthy relationship.

What say you, reddit? Are “fights” in a relationship normal, healthy, and expected (assuming they don’t get physical, in which case, no, sorry, that’s abuse)? Sometimes yes, sometimes no? Or do they straight up signify a problem with the relationship itself? What do normal couples even fight about? What kind of fights have YOU had with a partner that weren’t dealbreaker/symptomatic-of-bigger-issues fights? (Is there even such a thing?)

Also, what do you consider a “fight”? Using an angry tone of voice? A raised voice? Yelling and screaming? Stonewalling? Saying mean shit? Name calling? Just plain showing you’re angry but not acting on it? Is a respectful disagreement a “fight”, or is it only a fight if disrespect is involved?

TIA for your thoughts!