Recently revealed to my girlfriend that I am a crossdresser

I've been with my girlfriend for around 5 years now, and we've been living together for over a year and half. I've always found it difficult to open up to her and say how I'm feeling, not because I don't want to but because it not something I find easy to do. I don't think she has a problem with me being difficult to open up but think she wishes I did open up more and tell her how I am truly feeling.

I've always thought that we are meant to be. We share the same interests and have even got each other into something that the other is interested in like certain films and music. We have had tough times in the past but we've always found a way to move past our problems and I feel like it's made us stronger in the process.

I've been into wearing women's clothes since a very young age. My earliest memory is of me trying on some hold ups at the age of around 5 or 6. As you can imagine, they were a little long for my legs back then lol. As I grew up and became a teenager, I started to try more things, like wearing knickers, bras and high heels. One day, I had the opportunity of trying on a satin like dress, and I just loved how it felt.

As I became a young adult and earning my own money, I really got more into it. I would shop online for my own clothing, buying myself hold ups now and then, and even buying a pair of knickers and a bra. In my early 20s, I started to realise that I wanted to dress up as much as I could, which was difficult because I was keeping this a secret and still living at home with my mum. I wanted to know what it would be like to wear a bra but also have boobs, so I bought myself some breast forms. When they arrived and I tried them on, I wanted to just keep them on for as long as I could. Sometime after, I bought myself other items, like some nightwear and high heel knee high boots. Some nights I would lock my bedroom door and sleep in the nightwear with my breast forms on and it just felt incredible. When the house would be empty I would walk around with my hold ups and boots on, and wearing the nightwear or the dress.

The crossdressing has always been something I do every now and then. When I met my girlfriend, I thought it would stop and it did for a while, but then after a few months, I just felt the urge to wear something for like old times sake. This made me realise how much I missed it, how much I enjoy it and that I can't stop wanting to crossdress no matter how much I tried. I wanted to wear women's clothes.

There has been many times since I've been with my girlfriend that I really wanted to tell her, but could never find the courage. There was even one time I wondered if she suspected it after finding something on my phone that I had forgotten about, but I managed to convince her that I must've been hacked because I just wasn't ready to reveal my secret then. I even wanted to say something before we moved in but then was scared that she wouldn't wanna live with me or even wanna be with me anymore.

I tried to resist the urge to dress up in our house when she wasn't around. I even went as far as to get rid of everything I had before we moved in so that I wouldn't be tempted and she wouldn't find what I had one day, but then after around a year, I ended up buying myself some hold ups again.

I recently purchased some more hold ups and some knickers from Amazon because I just wanted to be able to wear something again, and wanted something extra which is why I bought some knickers. A week ago, she asked me about the items I purchased. She found out I had bought some stuff after using my account to buy some unrelated items. She was confused why I hadn't given them to her but came up with a story because I still just did not have the courage to tell her my secret. As the following days went on, I was constantly thinking that I have got to tell her my secret now. I felt I was backed into a corner and could see no way of getting out of it.

We were intending on getting intimate a couple of nights ago and she was gonna wear something, but then she said she wanted to see what I had bought. It was then that I realised that now was the time I was gonna reveal my secret to her. I had no idea what to say to her. What should be the first words I say. I was shaking because of how nervous I was. I told her that what I had bought was for me. She was confused at first and didn't understand what I was trying to tell her, but after basically telling her that I like to wear women's clothes and that I am a crossdresser, it began to sink in.

I was expecting her to get upset and angry, probably even wanting me to get away from her and leave the house but thankfully we talked more about it. She was upset because it was a shock to her, but she wanted to understand it. She wanted to know if this meant I was gay or even wanted to become a woman, which wasn't the case. I helped her realise that I was still straight and wanted to be with her and don't want to lose her, but I just can't help wanting to wear women's clothes now and then. She struggled to understand how I want to dress like a woman but not want to be one. She asked if I like wearing mens clothes still. She basically just wanted to understand it all, and I wanted her to know everything.

After spending the weekend talking more about it, she seems to have accepted it and is even willing to see me dressed up. I have explained that I would want her to see me fully dressed up and not just see me as her boyfriend wearing some lingerie. I would prefer her to see me dressed and looking like a woman, so that it's like she seeing someone else. We've been talking about what I intend to buy ready for that first time. I've told her that I would like to shave and wax my legs this week potentially, but that I would feel more comfortable doing that when she's not at home. She has told me she doesn't mind seeing me with smooth legs around the house as I usually wear shorts at home, and I can cope with seeing that but she understands that I'm not ready for her to seem anymore than that. She knows I also want to paint my toenails and she'd have no problem with that too. She even understands that I now want to get myself some realistic breast forms and we've even joked about when I wear them when I get some.

I've never had the opportunity in the past to get completely dressed up, have breast forms, a wig and make up on. I've told her that's what I want to be able to do for the first time within the next few months, and she understands this. It something that I'm really looking forward to, and a part is really excited for her to see me looking like a woman while another part of me is nervous like crazy.

She is still coming to terms with this secret I kept hidden for so long, but she has took it a lot better than I was expecting. If we both feel comfortable, if and when the time comes, she has said she wouldn't have a problem with me casually wearing women's clothes when we are both home, but she doesn't want it to take over both our lives and she still wants the guy she fell in love with, and I've reassured her that I would never overwhelm her with constantly wearing women's clothes around her and there will still be times when it is just the 2 of us and not her and the other me.

It is just such a relief to finally have been able to tell someone this secret and to be able to talk about it openly, and it's more of a relief that it just happens to be the love of my life.