Conflicted about CD hubby

I think it's finally time to post. Apologies in advance because it will probably ramble and due to not wanting to write a book, will undoubtedly be missing things.

I've been with my CD husband for about 8 years. I knew when we met that he was a CD, so no surprise there. We would dress up together and that would usually end up with fooling around. Although the sex was fine at the start of our relationship, after moving in together, it only happened when I initiated it. After a while he got mad if I touched him intimately, and eventually made excuses about not wanting sex because he was too tired after work or not in the mood in the morning. This was hard and we had several fights about it over time.

I would find clothes he squirreled away in his closet though he had no reason to hide anything. He didn't want me to look to see what he had and got pretty private about it. There's a lot that happened between then and now, but we haven't had sex in years, and though he usually wears nightgowns to bed, I never see him dressed outside of that, though he continues to buy clothes.

Late last year, someone tried to blackmail him, and posted screen shots on my social media of him having a conversation with someone on what turned out to be Grindr, though I didn't know that's what it was til later. He swore it was faked and even though it had his name, location, phone number, etc, he swears it wasn't him and he doesn't know how someone got his personal info, but swears it's a fake.

A couple weeks later, I'm about to shower and get ready for work, when I go into our home office where he was "working" and find he's on the app that the screen shots were from. He's mad at me for "sneaking up on him" but it's my house too and no sneaking was involved. He admits what the app is, but said he was only on it because someone he knew from before had messaged so he was just keeping in touch. I was angry but had to go to work.

We had a talk the next weekend trying to clear things up and I said I was uncomfortable with him using that app, and he said he liked it cos it showed people's location, and I said the only reason you need to know location is to hook up, and he had some lame excuse about that's not why he liked location, he didn't want to talk to people far away cos maybe being CD was different and he wouldn't relate or something. That's not it exactly but similar. So now I know he lied about only using the app cos some old friend messaged him.

The text messages that were posted to my social media talked about him hooking up and likes and dislikes in bed.

There was some brief attempt by him after that to fool around with me a couple times, though still no sex, now it's back to nothing.

I think he's trans but doesn't feel he can live out his life that way, and doesn't want to be/die alone (we're older) so he keeps me as a security blanket, and he said he does talk sometimes about sexual stuff with other CDs on Grindr, and I do believe he cheated on me for over a year while working out of town during the week. He's satisfied, I'm not. Zero trust now. But he acts like everything's fine and talks about our future like there's no problems, but I don't want to be a nun the rest of my life. I'm in therapy since the social media post, but he refuses therapy.

I'm not even sure what my point is but.... is this super common? I feel like logically, I should leave his lying cheating ass, but part of me loves him and cares about what happens to him.