Guidance after grief

(Posting here and in the public defender subreddit)

Hey, everyone. Writing this as I navigate the challenging path of grief, I am a recent law grad seeking advice and stories from those who have experienced profound loss just before undertaking the Bar Exam/beginning PD work. I sit at the end of the month and training begins early September at the PD office I was hired at.

Recently, my world was shattered by the untimely passing of my beloved nephew. He lived with me and I was raising him like my own when he was murdered a couple weeks ago. The weight of this devastating loss has left me questioning my emotional readiness as I prepare to embark on my journey as a public defender this fall. I am unsure if I even want to take the Bar at this point, and even if I wanted to take it, I’m not sure I have the emotional strength to sit for the entire exam. Not to mention I have lost weeks of study time.

If any of you have faced similar challenges, I humbly ask for your wisdom. How did you manage the profound grief while studying for the exam? Did you delay taking the Bar? How were you able to carry on? Your stories and strategies would provide invaluable insights during this trying time.

I carry a fervent passion for my aspirations as a public defender. I am a working class person whose life and family has been heavily impacted by the criminal legal system, but I seek reassurance that I am currently emotionally equipped to handle the immense responsibility that lies ahead. Everything I felt so sure of just weeks ago feels like a blur right now. Worth mentioning I also have a toddler who I have joint custody of. So far my biggest goal has been taking care of him like normal and being as present as possible.

Your shared experiences will guide me in making a decision that aligns with my heart and mind.

Thank you for your empathy, support, and understanding. Your stories and advice would mean the world to me.