How long does the darkness last?

As I become more and more conscious, I’m starting to realize how fucked up my teenage years were. It got really bad age 15-21. I had to suppress my light to stay safe. This lead to some serious feelings of self hate.

I’m 24 and I am in a much safer place now, but I am starting to realize how miserable I was during that time. I walked around hating myself in order to placate adults. Words can’t really describe how awful that was for me. I didn’t fit in with anyone my age and I was a bit of a loner. I fought the dark feelings. I walked around with a happy face and bottled everything up so people didn’t feel bad for me. I didn’t want to be “that kid.”

Anyways, I know it’s years later but I can feel myself becoming more and more depressed. I’m becoming more and more withdrawn socially and my light is being dimmed. My thoughts are so negative and centered around this period of my life. Perhaps it’s time for these old emotions to finally surface? How long does that take? Ugh.

Just would like to hear others opinions about what I should do. I’m quite an overthinker, for what it’s worth. I just want to feel good and spread my love to the world.

Thank you.