The moment I realized I was okay with taking my life

I was laying in bed and had my face in my pillow. I opened my eyes and only saw black. I asked myself, “Are you okay seeing this image for the rest of your life?” I was. I’m sick of it and I’m done. I hate my life and what it has become. The Army seemed to be a big part of the reason my mental health and body state has declined. I resent it everyday. I have planned to take my life tomorrow. This sub has given me some good laughs and I just wanted to give it one last go. Good bye Army Reddit.

EDIT: Thank you to everyone for reaching out on this post and for DMing me. I don’t know any of you people but it means something to me that you guys are taking the time to tell me you care. Even if I never hear from you again, at least I know you cared when I needed someone. Thank you.

UPDATE: Today is tomorrow. Someone from this sub, out of the many, stayed up with me for many hours last night and was able to connect with me on a level that kept me alive until this moment. I am grateful for him and grateful for all of you for caring about my life. Last night, I didn’t care about my life. Today, I do a little bit more. I’m going into the VA clinic later today to speak with my psychiatrist immediately about a medication change. I will be seeing my therapist tomorrow. I have a lot of love for all of you. Thank you for being there when I needed a human.