How do I make amends with a sheltered upbringing? 29 years old but I don't feel my age at all.

I've had a sheltered upbringing until this point. Admittedly, I have never lived alone and away from home. And the last 10 years, yes. I have been dealing with overbearing parents. I've been trapped the last decade in how to try dealing with them.

Been working on my career the past year after the past multiple years being stuck in limbo. I am closer than ever to finally being independent in some capacity. I'm in a paralegal training program right now. Even then, I don't know how to exactly separate from them. I'm leaning towards just telling them as they cry and shame me and just hold my ground.

I'm also non-confrontational. And that's why it's taken so long to even begin a serious conversation.

If you want to be harsh on me, okay. I'll just ignore you. I don't expect the internet to be nice. And, I'm not nice either.

Yes. I've been stuck at 19 emotionally the last 10 years. I admittedly don't really relate to people my age. Practically this sub. And being real, I don't want to and kinda resent having to.

One of my biggest resentments in not getting to have the college experience I've long desired. Not having a typical 20s. Not dating when I was younger. Not getting the opportunity to act young. I have no relationship experience.

Unfortunately, at 29, friend groups don't happen like you're in college and high school. So, I just am not really interested in actual friendships at this point.

I'm trying to start being more out there at a time where people are slowly steadily getting serious and settling down. I feel the opposite of people my age. I want to start having fun. Not stop. I want to party and dance the night away until 5 PM. I don't want to sleep in.

I'm writing this post cause I want to start getting into things like raving. Responsibly of course. Can I pull off a habit where I attend a rave or a club and do something like that consistently for 10 years?

As for dating. I'm being really honest when I say that emotionally, I am 19 in a way. Meaning, I'll be the first to tell you. I don't know myself. I'm aware that it's expected to know yourself at this age. But me? I've never had a girlfriend.

I know that for many late 20s and beyond, relationships happen way quicker. But if you're my age, I'd be obligated to say your'e not getting that from me. I never got to have my 20s. So my 30's will have to become my 20s. I am not rushing to the altar. You're gonna be waiting for 5 to 7 years. And if biology is fruitful, another 2 to 3 years for a kid. Truth is, because fertillity hits both genders equally, children are unlikely. And this is something I'm being serious and saying, I'm not gonna be flexible on this. I didn't spend years trying to separate from my controlling parents just to be pulled into another family. And also, I have no desire to be a step-parent. My best bet dating wise is someone childfree my age and one that still loves going out even if sadly it's still less than compared to when she was younger.

In an ideal world, I do have kids. But time and biology don't necessarily agree with my desires to wait till my 40s. So it's a sacrafice I'm gonna have to make. You most likely will not get me to want kids. And if my partner would really want it, she'd have to give the adoption process a try which is hard in itself.

I am hoping to get into a shared living space the next year. I never got to dorm. Even if it's not the same, it's the closest thing I can get to that experience. Even if that makes me a little resentful that it's not completely the same. And I hope to move to NYC shortly after. Trump's victory sadly makes me nervous that this becomes more difficult. I feel NYC could be one of my only safe havens.

I apologize for such a long post. And if you want to hate and be harsh on me, go right ahead. I don't care. But I'd like some feedback on how to make ammends for the last decade. I am hellbent and motivated to make my 30s my 20s. And force my 30s onto my 40s. Don't try to change my mind on this part. This is a thought pattern that brings me comfort. I'll settle down in a way at some point. Probably with dogs instead of children.