Healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in, but…

Hi all,

I (30F) have been together with my partner (38M) for 3.5 years, moved in together after 2 years. He is very kind and extremely supportive and literally everything I thought I wanted in a partner. For example, he’d always prioritise spending quality time together even if he has had a crazy busy week at work, limited sleep and will go out of his way to ensure I’m comfortable. Even little things like eating out, he’d always make sure I’d get the better seat out of the two of us or I get the better looking dish, the bigger portion etc.

This is super important to me because in my previous relationships I always felt like I was always doing most of the work in the relationship.

We both have pretty financially stable jobs, I’ve met his family a number of times and they are lovely.

So it really came as a shock to me when after 2 years, when I asked him if he sees us getting married, he said “I don’t know”. At the time, he confessed that he doesn’t even know what the next two years will be like, if I am in it. He doesn’t know what his end game is, which is crazy to hear for from someone who seemed to have a pretty steady career progression and “life path” so far. He said he has started to feel feelings of anxiousness and gloom about the future. And that he doesn’t want to burden me with it, it’s his problem to figure out.

Over the 1.5 years since that initial convo, the topic has been raised multiple times, with me offering to support us financially while he figures things out, going to counselling together, strategies to manage his anxiety, etc. All to no avail because after the convo, we dont do anything of what we said and the question whether I am in his future is still met with a “I don’t know”

I believe him when he says he is struggling with his mental health, although he functions extremely well at work and at home so he masks his feelings very well. He is going to therapy by his own but has said he doesn’t feel like it’s working. Throughout this, he is still very kind and sweet. I guess my dilemma is, how long should I wait for him to figure out what he wants in life. I do want kids and I obviously love him deeply, I’m just so worried that time is running out…