I'm terrified of gaining weight.

Two things before, first, I don't think I have an eating disorder and If I do I only binge, second, nothing against fat people, I find many of them attractive but on me personally I hate it. I've been chubby before and I felt so incredibly ugly, not only that but I was also treated poorly due to my weight and being not so attractive. I lost a lot of weight about a year or two ago due to being in specific adhd med, but now I've switched it out for a different one and i've been eating like crazy, its like I can't stop. I only feel pretty when i'm at 99 pounds and right now i'm at 107. I'm terrified to see that number grow. I know i'm considered skinny right now but I don't feel like it. I find myself looking at older pictures of myself when I was at 98-100 pounds and seethe with jealousy FOR MYSELF. Its crazy and stupid I know. Sometimes I really do wanna starve myself but I never will. I don't have the self control.