My bf and I broke up after almost 6 years

My ex and I were together from 18 to 24. We’ve been going through this “coming of age” time whilst in a relationship and it’s been really hard trying to decipher who the fuck am I while in a relationship. We still love each other immensely, but the last year it has been a struggle. We broke up almost two years ago and got back together 6 months after. But things haven’t worked very well and circumstances have been against us. For context, the city we used to live in was very small. My ex was offered a scholarship abroad and he moved. We did some long distance for a while until he dropped out and return to our country.

I wanted to move to another city and pursue my career, but I stayed to be with him. He has dual citizenship so then he went back to his other country and we did the long distance thing again and after I visited him the first time, he said he was going to work on finding a way for us to be together in his country. After that, he froze and didn’t do much, I’m guessing out of fear he didn’t even do his research on the visa requirements. That’s when I broke up with him after 4 months of him being distant and not putting in the effort on this “moving” idea.

Then I went abroad to study a postgraduate and he moved with me, he was getting in and out the country I was in because he couldn’t get the visa. Now, again, we tried moving to his country but we barely have any money. We’ve been staying with his grandparents for the last 4 months and it’s really hard. I’m having a really hard time living with his grandparents who are incredibly neurotic, have OCD, and are very old. I feel like I’m in their way, and I can tell they’re uncomfortable with me there even though they try to be really nice and welcoming.

I’ve paused my career to be with him here, but this place is expensive af. Not only that but the visa is crazy expensive and although we first thought we met the financial requirements, we didn’t realize he’s the one who has to make the annual income by himself instead of us joining our income.

So… I’ve decided to go back to my country and work on myself, figure out who am I as an individual, and work in my field, finally, try to improve my standing in my career and achieve my goals which I’ve always felt extremely passionate about. Although my ex and I had our ups and downs, toxicity, and faced difficult circumstances by not being able to live in the same place together, we still shared a lot of support, understanding and camaraderie. I’ve been through grief and very difficult situations in my late teens and he was a massive support to me. I feel a sinking whole in my heart and I don’t want to lose him. It’s like he’s family to me.

I’ve made up my mind and I can’t be in a relationship with him for now because I need to grow and he does too. We have a lot of maturing to do and we both need to find our feet. We’ve made this decision thinking it’s for the best. But is it? Have you been through something similar? I guess what I’m looking for is support or motivational words because I feel like someone has died. He’s talking about maybe getting back together after he finds a more stable job and an apartment, but I don’t even know if it would be a good idea.