i ruined a young persons life

tw for sexual assault mental issues and drug use

i had/have a friend. we met a year ago, and in the year and some months we have known each other i completely destroyed their life and gave them irreparable trauma when i didnt even mean to. i feel so awful for it.

when i met them, we immediately clicked. we were inseparable. quickly, it became codependent due to our mental issues. we would self-harm together, talk about extreme dieting, and relate to each other because we both went through the same childhood trauma and both severely struggled mentally from an EXTREMELY young age. ive been helping them with their issues, giving them advice and naturally acting like a therapist even if theyd rarely take it and cause me even more stress. its just the least i can do. i never expected anything in return and i recently stopped venting too altogether because like, im older than them, even if its just by 9 months. i should be able to be self sufficient and take care of my junior. plus they shouldn't be worrying about me. too much on their own plate

we talked more and more, i got them into alternative music; rock and stuff. that is genuinely my biggest regret ever. they joined the alternative community, meeting a boy who liked the same music. that boy had assaulted my friend. ever since their mental health had immediately plummeted. recently, they implied their life wouldve been better if they had never met me; and theyre right. if i had never met them and made them listen to my shitty fucking music that couldve been avoided.

it wasnt even just that too. i am addicted to drugs and have been severely since may and naturally, as theyre my only friend, i would text them on these substances. usually itd be funny haha im saying something weird and its chill. but last week, my texts became suicidal and depressing because thats how ive truly felt all along. that stressed them out so. fucking. bad. i feel so awful. and whats worse is that i had actually had a near fatal overdose on it and stopped responding so they literally thought i finally died (which has been one of their fears). i feel like garbage. and ever since i woke back up ive been having to take care of them even more than i usually do because they were destroyed by it on top of other issues in their life.

idk. it just kind of fucking sucks. i mean. theyre a barely teenager. and i guess so am i cause were the same age but you know. and theyve gone through so much in one year just because of one chick on their phone who lives all the way across the fucking country. sorry if it doesnt make sense, i just wanted to get all of this off to somebody. and i just kinda dont know what to do anymore. i really hope they dont find this. i dont expect anybody to read this anyways to be fair