I'm tired of the physical world

I've been using psychedelics since 2022 and I've had amazing experiences.

But in all honesty, I don't think I vibe with the "real" aspect of reality anymore.

When I realized I'm just a ball of consciousness filling the infinite moment and that my body is indeed a meatsuit being piloted by said consciousness, I began feeling annoyed at existence.

I began questioning why consciousness would willingly spawn here in a world of limits and struggle.

A common answer I found from the Buddhist or Alan Watts circles are thst we're here to "learn" as some type of cosmic beings/The Universe, but even that irked me since it felt like earth lessons would be pointless to the Universe, especially since the pas, present, and future all happen simultaneously, rendering my life a piece of fiction if you look at my life from a 4D perspective. The final bullet was Gnosticism. Everything, even my own body felt like a prison I had to rip myself out of.

With all that in mind I attempted to jump off the Manhattan bridge in late April after losing hard in a competition and feeling dejected. I just wanted to escape this realm of existence and escape BACK to the DMT realm for good, never returning to human existence unless I have safeguards.

Some lady and her friend begged ne not to jump and gave me a soda and told me not to do it and that it gets better. They walked me off the bridge and had me contact my girlfriend for help.

After that I felt bad and hadn't attempted suicide since.

Yet every moment feels wrong to me.

I don't like how I function in human society, I feel like If the universe made my consciousness appear in a different lifeform altogether we'd all be happier.

EDIT: Thank you for all of the support, but I'm not currently suicidal. I was admittedly not in a good spot mentally when I posted, but it reallystemmed from a longing to experience the infinite love and joy from the psychedelic realm. This world felt like an inferior version of that world, not unlike the spark notes version of Gnosticism that says that this world is an evil one. I understand it can be seen as delusional thinking though. I could have been in my feelings because I haven't had the opportunity to go loft at blink this week. Overall, my mind could still be adjusting due to major life changes, including a terminated pregnancy. That being said though, My life is definitely not horrible, in fact I had some shrooms at a recent Machine Girl concert woth my friends and I felt like I was BEYOND cloud nine lol! Once again, thank you for all the love and support!