Kissing a boy????

My daughter just dropped a bomb on me at 6:30 in the morning and I'm reeling. My daughter is 4.5 and in the PreK class at our daycare. She is very energetic, very social, and loves to challenge authority. Whenever something gets a big reaction, good or bad, she is very likely to repeat the behavior.

There is a boy in her class, let's call him J, who is a bit of a trouble maker, per her teachers. He tells fibs a lot, kind of wild ones like "my dad is Santa", and teases other kids often. But for some reason, my daughter hangs out with him a lot and has recently started saying they are going to get married.

This gets a big reaction at school, where the teachers talk about how we're all friends, no one is getting married, etc. At home she doesn't say it much bc I never have given a big reaction, I just say, "oh? Well we'll see I guess." I just assumed this is normal kid stuff and a big reaction from me will only spur her on.

A few days ago I said something about "when dad and I got married" when talking about some trip or something. And she asked, "when you got married, did you kiss on the lips?" I laughed and said yes. She said eww or something to that effect, and then I didn't think about it again.

This morning we were watching some cartoon and she said, "I think the sheep and the horse are going to get married and kiss on the lips". I said something like, "oh, you think so?" And then she told me, "J and I kissed on the lips. We went under the playground where no one could see us and we kissed on the lips."

UHHHHH WHAT??

I asked "why?" Because it was the first thing that came into my mind. And she said, "I didn't want to but J did, and I didn't want to make him sad."

Gap mouthed and not knowing what to say, I told her that I'll have to talk to her dad about this, and thank you for telling me. I had no idea what else to say and she's moved on for now. My husband is out of town and I won't be able to talk to him until tonight.

WHAT THE ACTUAL EFF. What in the world is going on here?? When my husband gets home tonight we will talk to her and I will tell her she isn't in trouble- i wish i would have said that now. And I'll tell her that she doesn't need to do anything she doesn't want to do with her body to save people's feelings, that her body is hers and hers alone, and I think we'll probably have to talk about private parts and inappropriate touching. And something about how this is grown up behavior and not for kids? I don't even know how to approach this!

I will also be talking to the daycare director first thing Monday to tell them what happened. Should I ask to talk to Js parents, or let the daycare handle that? WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS??

Any suggestions, similar experiences, or advice here?? I thought it would be so much longer before I had to deal with this stuff 😭😭😭😭😭

Update: Thank you all for your input here. I am definitely thrown and overreacted a bit- luckily not in front of her and kept it very cool. What's bugging me isn't kissing a boy- it's the sneaking off and the pressure. She talked about it a little more and said she said no twice before she kissed him. I'm definitely most concerned about that. Thank you for the book recommendation "yes and no", I will definitely give that a look!