In denial during dreams - bizarre dreams where his death wasn't real.

I keep getting recurring dreams where he somehow came back from the dead and that everything was semi-fine, he'd be depressed and sleep a lot more than usual, but he'd be alive. Every couple of night or so I have a dream where it's another day of me taking care of him. Like a continution of the last dream.

It's fucking weird.. like my subconscious mind trying to give me a chance, instead of his sudden tragic death, I'd instead get to see the warning signs of him possibly dying and I would do my best to save him.

Then there are the dreams where I find out he was replaced with some other cat and I would have to go on this investigation to find out what happened and get my boy back.

Almost 2 years later I'm still in denial, my subconscious mind is still in denial and is desperate not to accept that he just simply passed away suddenly, that something could've been done.