i don’t know how to feel better after 10 years with a narcissist for a best friend

i’m healing after separating from my best friend of 10 years… or, trying to heal at least.

in october of this year, me and my best friend stopped speaking. i told her one night that a comment she had made several months ago about me being too sensitive was still really hurting me, and the next day, she magically didn’t want to speak as much. i was only allowed to text her every couple of days from now on, as opposed to our all day, every day texting. i called her out on the timing of this, and she refused to have a conversation about it. straight up stopped answering my texts in the middle of the conversation for hours and then tried to talk to me later like everything was fine and normal. i tried to start the convo again, same thing. so i stopped speaking to her.

we were long distance internet best friends and met when i was 12 years old. i always thought i wouldn’t survive if she stopped talking to me, but i did. that alone is a feat that im proud of. but now i don’t know how to heal and start getting better. i’m stuck and it’s exhausting and only making my depression worse. i don’t know what to do.

i suspect this friend may be a covert narcissist based on a lot of reading about covert narcissism, but because we were only ever long distance friends, it’s hard to say. regardless, she was most certainly gaslighting and manipulating me, and at times even verbally abusive (flat out said to me “you’re too sensitive!” because i asked her to stop embarrassing me in a group chat with some mutual friends)

i understand that i’m probably still in shock, and im trying to be patient but im so depressed and exhausted. all i ever want to do is sleep anymore. i know the separation from this friend was good for me and im glad it happened, but i need to know how to heal. i’m left with anger and sadness and all these other awful emotions. i want karma to do its job already so i can feel like ive come out on top, which is so dumb because i know i already have “won” by not being a shitty friend and i shouldn’t care about “winning” anyway!!

anyway, any tips or thoughts are appreciated 🩷