How do people handle household finances when your partner has a child?
Hi everyone,
My partner and I are two women. She is 10 years older than me, so farther in her career and finances. She owns her house. I moved in with her a few months ago. We are splitting everything- the mortgage, groceries, utilities. She’s owned her house for a decade, so splitting the mortgage is the same as market rate rent.
We recently got a credit card together for groceries to ease the process of splitting every month. I noticed she has begun buying other items for her daughter like allergy medicine on the shared card. I brought up we hadn’t discussed these expenses and was wondering what she thought. She said she had assumed we were splitting all household costs, but was ok to split out her daughter’s specific items. I was keeping my personal items like face lotion off our shared acct. So we need to have a clarifying convo of what we are splitting so we’re on the same page.
Before that, I need to consider if I am ok with splitting of all household expenses. Some other factors are making me question my feelings on these additional expenses.
A bit more context- with the move, our finances/move sacrifices aren’t equitable. My gf makes more than me (I’d guess 30%), is saving a much higher % with me moving in than I am moving in, and I gave up my apt which I loved. There’s some tension there on my end that I know I need to process.
There is no child support as she and her ex wife are 50/50. Child is 6. My girlfriend pays for her daughter’s activities. It’s the household pieces that she assumes we will split evenly. I want to cultivate a family dynamic and relationship. I’m also aware we are early in this process of coming together as a family.
We’ve had conversations about long-term. We’ve come to a point where the plan is if we get married, I will pay a significant chunk of the mortgage and she will add me as a home owner.
I feel my girlfriend’s perspective is we are going to be together. An example of her commitment- she renovated her house right before I moved in, and included me in every decision. I did not pay anything but 2 items which were a drop in the bucket. She did not ask I offered symbolically.
But for me, I know if it comes to an end, I am the one to leave the house and leave the child (I’ve had this once before). So there’s a part that’s telling me you could lose it all in the end. And some resentment about she would be gaining from this set up... but that could be an unhealthy and jaded perspective on relationships.
All that being said, I am wondering how people manage financials when they move in with a partner with a child. I’ve lived with one other partner with a child, but our financials were equitable to what we made.
Thank you for any insight.