My kid is lying and sneaking to contact their other parent..

I get that this title probably makes me sound like a huge A-Hole but the situation is so.. complicated. I will give some back story so it will be long.

We split over 2 years ago due to ongoing DV. I was granted a permanent FRO for myself but the judge would not include the kids. He was told he could have supervised visitation but he refused to pay for supervision stating he did not have the funds to pay the $70-$100 a week for a supervisor and that he would not have visitation at a center which was the cheaper option.

We were told that because of him all but refusing every option we’d have to have another court date after he had time to think over his options and we’d handle that and child support at the next hearing. He didn’t want to pay child support so he never went back to court. Now for the past 2 years our order just says visitation at mothers discretion.

After about 6 months of not being together and him completing some batterers intervention classes that the judge ordered I allowed him to see the kids in public settings like the park or a restaurant while I waited in the car. That went ok for a couple of visits and then things started getting weird. I had random sketchy people showing up on my door step telling me random people from the bar told them to come here. These were quite unsavory characters and it definitely made me uncomfortable. He started making random complaints to me about how I was running my household and random things like my shoes and jackets would come up missing. I was in a fog of raising 3 kids and working FT so it didn’t click immediately but it turned out he was breaking into my house through the window while I was at work.

This was almost a year ago. He was arrested and for the most part it has been radio silence since. I have declined the 2 times he has asked to see the kids in this past year telling him he needs to take it back to court but that ball was in his court.

Until my daughter took it upon herself to reach out on YouTube and via email. He wasted no time in telling her how hard I was making it on him and placing the blame on me for his lack of involvement and keeping her away from her sibling who is 6 months old born into what I don’t doubt is another DV situation. I walked into her room while she was on a video chat and asked who she was talking too as she often video chats her friends but she just kept saying “a friend” rather than a name and I knew something was up. I saw his face on the screen and my heart sank.

I have no idea how to even handle this though. We have since moved and have been living a quite quiet and peaceful life. I feel like my kid has put us all in danger again because he does really crazy things. She was on her way out the door to a bday party so I just took the iPad and put a pin in it for the time being. I know we’ll have to sit down and talk about it but I don’t want to come across as bitter as I’m not but that’s how he portrays me to the kids the reality is I am fearful and she just opened that door right back up when it was basically closed.