Are you ever 100% sure about an abortion?

Please, no “pro-lifers” just sound advice.

I’m literally sitting at an abortion clinic. I’m married with an autistic 3yr old and a 13month old little girl.

I came off the pill 3 months ago because it made me severely depressed. I struggle with BC and my husband and I discussed a vasectomy. In the meantime, we were using condoms. One night (I think this must have been the night we conceived) we noticed halfway the condom broke. My husband hadn’t finished so we thought nothing of it, just replaced it and continued.

Well fast forward to last week, I took a pregnancy test because I felt pregnant - extremely tired and nauseous. Well, it came back positive. I was devastated.

My son is level 1 autistic but he takes up a lot of our time - he’s extremely sensitive and struggles with his emotions more than a NT 3.5yr old. And my youngest has barely just turned 1. We’re in the middle of planning a massive move to another continent. And I feel like we’re at capacity with two both mentally and financially. I know we could make 3 work - but at the cost of our two other kids and our mental health.

Yet I feel so heartbroken. I feel like I won’t be able to live with myself. I had to have a scan to see how far along I was and I’m 8w5d. They didn’t show me the screen but I saw a picture of my scan on the doctors desk after. And all of a sudden it feels real. They’re giving me 3 days to think about it. I’m so torn. Logically, I know we can’t go through with this, but my heart hurts. My question is, is this normal? Is anyone ever 100%?