Post-divorce struggles

Hey all. I’m 41m and my ex is 43f and our divorce was finalized in the beginning of December. I’ve moved into an apartment, and she’s moved into her new place with her kids (my stepkids) and thus ends our 10 year relationship.

I sometimes just feel like yelling into the void because the roller coaster of feelings is just exhausting. I continue to try and adjust to my new normal but going from a household of 5 with dogs and cats down to just me and a cat is just a huge change.

Things weren’t good for the last year of the relationship but they weren’t awful either. Neither of us put in the work needed and were too focused on other things which neglected our relationship. We grew apart, then I found that she’d been having an emotional affair in the summer and that was the point of no return.

Memories keep creeping up and catch me off guard. My safe and secure life with my partner has crumbled along with the future we had envisioned.

I know that this is also a fresh start and a chance for me to rediscover myself, as well as take what I’ve learned forward eventually into a new relationship. I’ve been working with a therapist since last summer as well and that’s helped a lot…but sometimes I just get overwhelmed with loss and regret…stuck in a loop of wishing we had both made better choices and put forth more effort.

I spent a quarter of my life up to this point with this woman and I’ve lost my best friend as well as my partner…sometimes when something happens or I find something interesting I still have the instinct to reach out to her about it. Then I remember that part of my life is over and a new wave of sadness washes over me.

It’s just brutal.

Edit

I really appreciate all the advice and shared experience that all of you have given. I’ve read every comment and appreciate all of it. I do reach out to my friends and family for support, but many of them don’t have the experience to relate so it’s been good for me to hear from so many who have had struggles like this. I appreciate you all, even those of you who weren’t so kind with your commentary…

Truly, thanks.