ENFP or is it just depression and ADHD?
- I’ve lately had a terrible sleep schedule (for 1-2 weeks at this point I think but it’s been happening often these last couple of months) and feel like I haven’t been able to really hear my internal monologue nor have a been super curious about things lately. I’ve tried noticing if I have Ne moments throughout the day and I have (not many or maybe I have and didn’t think it was Ne?), then some days after I don’t think I did and it gets me confused again.
I’ve also felt like I’ve just caught myself not really being present but also not thinking. I’ll stare at something without actually really paying attention to it, but also just not thinking of anything. It’s like my brain is mush.
I have ADHD and I would say that I feel like Si is inferior for me. I try to be organized but I struggle and I can sometimes do repetitive things when I’m stressed and try to soothe myself with showering even though it only kinda works. I also struggle to take care of myself like forgetting to eat or being too lazy or being indecisive of what to eat, but that’s like an ADHD thing I’m pretty sure. I also feel like I have caught my Si being prominent when I babble to people (which isn’t often lately and don’t have many friends) and just look back a lot and go “that reminds me” and the connection is a bit out there and not that relevant.
I lately haven’t had motivation to do the things I wanted to do (writing my stories). I’m unemployed and am still working on getting my drivers license so I spend a lot of my time at home in my room. I rarely go out and I rot in bed sometimes doing nothing even when I set up schedules to be productive (looking for jobs, taking free online courses to help my career) with other things. Because I haven’t been sleeping well lately, I’ll get very sleepy sometimes and prioritize that and try to nap because I feel shitty (feeling and interpreting weird sensations) and worry that if I don’t listen to my body, something bad would happen.
Idk today I just thought to myself that I want to do things because I’m sick of rotting in bed (it’s been months), I want to experience life, and it just kinda hit that I’m tired of thinking of theoretical things (maybe it’s just a temporary feeling because I’ve felt down and blobby), I want to physically do things. In the past I’ve definitely felt like I should be more present but have struggled. These thoughts that came up today of made me question if I’m really an ENFP or ESFP. Is this just Ne burnout? Is there even such a thing? Am I just a depressed ENFP who’s tired of staying at home and rotting and not necessarily an Se dom? I don’t think I’ve really resonated with Ni previously but I’m wondering if my cognitive functions are shifting or something since I’m kinda young still (23 1/2).
Extra note: I’ve kinda come out of a 2 year long hyperfixation (where I was constantly speculating and theorizing) after I felt like it was taking a toll on my mental health and felt like pondering was becoming unhealthy because things weren’t going the way I was hoping for them to. Also with my writing, I feel like I’ve kinda been burned out, I’ve made so many concepts for stories (20+ in a year lmao) and I had decided to do them all and plan them out and I’ve been working on a short story collection and I’ve still on story #1 and it’s kinda becoming not fun to write because I can’t get through a scene I’ve been working on for a while (a month or 2) In a way I’ve just been on pause with that because it’s become not fun. I was really proud of myself for committing to a plan with this collection and I’m still committed to it. But ya, could this also explain my Ne burnout? In a way I’ve also stopped coming up with new concepts because I know I already have 20+ in the back burner waiting for their time to shine. That kinda makes me depressed though, but I also feel like I’ve ran out of creativity.
Need your thoughts guys!