Ended my DB and entered a very active bedroom. Here’s what I definitely know now

I’ve kept a log of my DB journey over the last 3 months because in Feb/March of this year I didn’t think life would ever get better than what it was.

My ex partner (30M) and I (28F) were engaged and I was about to marry into a DB after 4 years. The longest we had gone without sex to that date was 7 weeks. I know for some that’s a short time, but we’re unmarried, young, and have no kids. When we did have sex, it felt obligatory on his end. It felt like following an algorithm, with no love and no connection. It started with me facilitating his arousal and ended the moment he finished.

I broke off our engagement in the beginning of March and felt confident about my decision. He begged and asked to do therapy. In therapy we worked out starting ethical non monogamy as almost a compromise.

We did ENM through April and May. I had various encounters, and I had a nice time. But it didn’t help bring us any closer, if anything I still felt like cheating because it was don’t ask don’t tell. There was no facility of communication. I told this day have no idea who or what he was doing, if anything. One thing it did do for me is make me realize that I am extremely sought after- I had a line of people interested in me and each experience was fulfilling in a different way.

It gave me the confidence and knowledge that I didn’t want to remain in my relationship. I broke it off the last week of May and felt positive about my decision. I’m not sure if it was universal intervention or what but a mere 2 weeks later I ended up talking with an aquaintence I’d had in mutual friend circles for years and the chemistry was just undeniable.

For the last month I’ve been having sex 3-4x in a 24 hour span when we spend time together. It’s passionate, it’s sporadic, it’s intimate, it’s enthralling. I thought I had lost the capacity to want to make out with another person, or have vulnerable connections in between encounters. Not at all. It’s awoken something in me.

And now that I am with a person who desires me, it’s so obviously clear that my ex fiance had either porn addiction, had no real attraction left for me, and generally had personal issues that I wouldn’t have been able to combat. Every bit of internalization I did went out the window with my new lover and I encourage anyone who has the freedom to do so to leave.

The sunken cost fallacy is a bitch. Someone out there wants to touch you, I promise! Stop making excuses for your partner.