AITA for stonewalling my future in-laws for telling me I'm grounded when visiting them.

For context, we live in a country where there is a stigma around males showing emotion that is taken seriously and boys used to be raised to be cold hard figures as that is seen as what makes you a man ( I don't get it either) but it has been improving in recent years.

Fiancé (29M), Who lived with his parents to financially support them, and I (23F), who lived with my parents, met in early 2024 and lived 2 hours apart. We took turns visiting eachother for a few days at a time when work allowed. His parents (54 M) and (53 F) did not like me from the get go purely because I have tattoos and piercings and wear black, no matter how much effort I put Into building relationships with them.

Over time I was warned by family members and family friends that fiancé's parents can be quite narcissistic and manipulative as they were the oldest between their siblings and had a sense of entitlement as they believe the older you are the more respect younger people have to give you.

To make a long story short, a few small incidents of the narcissistic qualities and manipulation occurred which Ignored trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. My dad (50 M) is one of the more caring and emotional types of males and allowed me my freedom when I was younger as well as always showing love and affection. Fiancé's dad is the opposite.

One week while I was visiting there and Fiancé was at work, I felt closterphobic and anxious so went out on my motorcycle for a ride around town (said town is known for its safety and I know it well. I am an excellent driver and rider) I called my fiancé and Informed him my plans and sent him my live location, I told his mom where i was going and his SIL (25F) who was living with them at the time. His dad was out doing some work so I did not get the chance to tell him.

After an hour of riding my fiancé calls me and tells me his dad wants to have a chat with me when I got home and informed me he sounded upset. Fast forward to when I arrived home a few hours later, his father and SIL were sitting outside and when he saw me he chased SIL and her baby inside the house and confronted me by saying the following, that I am not allowed to leave the property without my fiancé with me or without his (the dad) permission, that I'm not allowed to drive my own car without HIS permission and that if I ever wanted to ride my own motorcycle I would have to ask permission but that his answer will ALWAYS be no (because how dare I be a woman riding a bike, excuse me sir?) He essentially said im grounded under all circumstances when im there at any given time, like a child whos not competent. I assume he has a control fetish.

I later found out his mom and SIL lied to his dad saying they had no clue that I left or where I went, even after fiancé and I brought it up when confronting them and they refused to hear it. After I came in from my little Ted talk with his dad and ran Into his mom cornering me in the kitchen saying "this" is how real parents love and what I got at my home was not "love". She had a look in her eye that sort of hinted that she enjoyed me getting into trouble, which became clear after finding out she lied about me letting her know my plans.

I switched my feelings and emotions off, went to the room, packed my bags and left. When fiancé confronted him that night about his unfair behaviour, he had the typical "my house my rules" argument and used raising his voice as a means to "win" the argument. I informed him that I will not be setting my foot on their property again and have no interest in associating with them. My fiancé supported me and understood but I told him that just because I don't want to see them or have a relationship with them that it didn't mean he had to do the same, he is a full grown man with his own freedom but he said after seeing his parents knowingly treat someone he cares about like that, that he did not want to be associated with them after.

Fast forward to today, we live together in his home town, his parents have said on multiple occasions that they have nothing to apologize for so we continue to keep our distance from them. His mom calls him often and at times where he picked up some last things from their house she would complain about not feeling welcome at our new apartment and wanting to visit and complaining that they don't get to see us anymore, blatantly pretending to not know why and acting innocent. (He has told her to her face multiple times why, they just believe that if you ignore it, it goes away). His dad has even brought up that he feels disowned.(no shit)

My petty ass has started inviting family members and family friends over and I know for a fact they're letting her Know and I know for a fact she's crawling out of her skin because she has no control over the situation.

Respect is earned, not a birth right.

My fiancé has started suggesting that I meet up with them at a neutral place to talk things out as his mom keeps guilt tripping him about how terrible it is that we do not conform with their views. They dont want to fix things, or feel bad but they're salty that they are cut out and still have no intention of apologizing or admitting what they did was wrong. A power struggle if you will.

AITA for refusing to see or associate with them after seeing their true colors and refusing to "put up with it" out of respect that they don't deserve?

PS. My dad says that he never wants to meet fiancé's dad because he has no respect for a man who treats HIS child like that when he himself never even treated me like that.