Help me offload these brandied cherries

EDIT: I take venmo. I have a lot of folks asking for them. So far no one has sent me a chat for details. Send me a msg and I'll see what we can work out :)

So for Christmas last year I decided to make brandied cherries.

Did I know what I was doing? No. But did I at least own a cherry pitter? No. But did I spend 2 hours of grueling work pitting them by hand and left with semi permanent purple stained fingers? Yes.

Are they the best brandied cherries out there? Probably not. But would they be good poured over vanilla ice cream or cheesecake or yogurt or to make an alcoholic punch with? Absofuckinglutely.

After making about 10 jars, I learned that my main friend group doesn't even like brandied cherries. Like wouldn't even consider them. WTF. I managed to dole out a few jars on unsuspecting co-workers, but I'm left with 3 jars that have been sitting in the back of my fridge, a reminder of my failure as a brandied cherried gift giver.

Would anyone want these? No, really? I wanted to ask for a $5 donation per jar as an effort to fund my other ill-fated herbal and floral exploits (currently brewing elderflower champagne) but I would accept whatever you think is appropriate (including non monetary symbolic gifts of love, honor, sage wisdom, etc). I went through the whole sterilizing/boiling/canning process with them, but I'm way too afraid of botulism to tell you they're shelf-stable. I kept them in my fridge from the get go, and once opened they should be eaten within a week. They're drenched in brandy and sugar and real vanilla beans. Any takers? 🍒