I am lost and lowkey scared of myself

Throwaway account because I FEEL ASHAMED OK

I (24f) have a friend (25f) that sorta told me that she was into pain and other stuff like humilliation and that she had been buying stuff. For the longest time I have had an inkling that Im not quite normal, but i have managed to just swipe it under the rug sort of speak, I never felt that i had quite so much "libido" at least not as much as some of my friends... But she showed me a weird leash made out of chain that she had, idk how its called but you know like one of those dog leashes that when you pull on it it gets tighter and she had it on and i think i almost fucking lost it... I SWEAR TO GOD I HAD TO USE ALL MY MENTAL CAPACITY TO NOT PULL ON THE LEASH. Fuck i had a masive grin on my face i couldnt fucking control it and the bitch went on and put the thing on my hand being like "you can pull if you want" FUCK I ran the fuck away my hands shaking for hours

I have been up all night looking up bdsm items I have never in my life had my imagination run as wild, am i like this now? what should I do? Am i a horrible person? What if i cant control myself next time?? i have the feeling that something has awakened and im horrified

Update -> https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/18mrt1z/update_i_am_still_lost_and_a_bit_scared/