Worried if Ayahuasca will help or makes things worse

Hello everyone! I have been following this thread for awhile and am very torn on if this medicine is right for me. I am currently in a very low vibrational state, all elements of my life feel very poor, dislike where I am living, dislike my job, compare myself to all of my friends who have more stable lives, etc etc. I have struggled with a crazy wild ego for as long as I can remember. I very much live based off of my external circumstances, when things are going well I am great, when things don't go my way, my mindset and attitude reflect it. I feel like I have tried everything to heal, meditations (I struggle because my mind is too busy), reiki (again feel like it doesn't work much for me), different energy healing modalities which don't seem to have much of an affect of my, I've had tons of readings by reputable people which tend to be all over the place. I constantly just want to get off this earth and go back to source (which I obviously won't do anything about, because I know I chose to be here and have to let everything play out), but I find myself frequently desiring this. I have gone off of my SSRI's back in August, making me finally eligible for this medicine. My biggest fear of this medicine, is it will give me what I need not what I want. What I want is to heal, but I'm worried sitting for this medicine could Potentially make my mental state worse, my life more confusing, and end up with a huge regret of sitting for it. Has anyone been in this state, and have any advice?