Am I fooling myself? Could anyone reconcile this amount of betrayal?

I feel like I spend a lot of time on this page but see almost no examples of people going through the same level of betrayal I'm trying to grapple with.

Together about 24 years, married almost 18 years, 2 kids. The affairs began 8 years ago and have been ongoing ever since.

WH is bi. He began hooking up with men 8 years ago and never stopped the entire time. DDay was 6ish weeks ago. He was caught, he did not come clean.

It's so much, so so much. And for such a long length of time, I know I will never have a full disclosure. It's not even realistically possible at this point.

I have an analytic brain and have begun tracking the "data" in a spreadsheet. From what I know there are at the very least 80 different APs. At least one was a full blown EA.

And that's just the hookups. It doesn't accout for the probably hundreds(?) of men he messaged/sexted. It's so much I don't even have the capacity to be upset about the sexting... It's too much...

I feel like a fool. A fool for having no idea and a fool for attempting R.

Our MC is regularly shocked at how well I'm handling things and the enormity of it all. But am I handling things? Or am I still a fool and a door mat?

He's "doing all the right things."

I know every couple is different and heals differently. But I'm really having a hard time figure out wtf I'm doing? Why am I trying to fix something so enormously horrible?