Long Term Relationship: Different Phases in Life

For context, we are 12 years apart (30F) and (42M). This has never truly been an issue until recently as I am starting to think our differences is the phase we each are in our lives.

He knows who he is, what he wants in life, and has gone through the rough times. He became successful and we are very fortunate. I met him when he was not successful and helped him through the rough times. I was very supportive and loved being able to provide this. I am very good at crisis management. Ironically, not for myself though.

I have always had issues being indecisive as I am a Libra and always adapt to others. Out of childhood trauma issues or fear of managing guilt; I have always put others first. I never minded this until recently. I still do not know who I am, what I want to pursue, and feel unconfident. I prioritized health and skills the last few years and gained tons of knowledge, new degree, had a baby, etc. I thought becoming healthy with habits and lifestyle would lead me to the next phase in my life, but it seems to have just enhanced the journey but not the direction.

He says he is confused in knowing how to support or help me when I don’t know what I want. Some days I say one thing and do another, and it leaves him confused and not knowing how to approach me.

We have had many talks of this and I have existential crisis’ all the time. I am guilt ridden or I think subconsciously addicted to feeling inferior because I haven’t succeeded to the same level or had many mental revelations put into actions.

This doesn’t affect how we truly bond or how we see one another, but I am mentally exhausted with myself navigating the self reflection that I am still confused or lost, even when I truly believe I am doing the work to not be. Some days I do believe I have a path and others I am lost in insecurities. The imposter syndrome is very real with me.

Has anyone else navigated or overcome this? I really don’t want to feel unsynced with my partner on this when we have built a beautiful life together. I really feel like I need to carry my own weight but truly don’t know how or second guess myself.

Any advice is welcome.