Living with a depressed partner

I've (M43) been been married for 14 years to a occasionally depressed and quite closed off wife. Last year i discovered my ADHD and it has explained many issues that we have and my behaviour (impulsive, people pleasing as a result, forgetful, time blind aso). I have told her many times what i expect from the relationship (physical intimacy, occasional compliments and hugs and serious talks).

I see that i get very little or none of what i have asked. But i do see that she does try for us to have a better relationship and keep the family together.

We have several kids who each has a different diagnosis (not only adhd) and i seems we are both needed to take care of them. I cannot imagine splitting and am attracted to her. And she does manage a lot of the household and many things with the kids.

I have some friends but we see each other seldom and have little time for hobbies at the moment.

Is there a way to compensate the things that are missing in the relationship? I realize that expecting one person to fill so many roles might be too demanding at times.

Any advice or feedback is welcome!

Sorry for my English as it's not my native language.